Family Law

Gray Divorce

December 28, 2012 | by Blair & Kim, PLLC

In the article “Navigating the Gray Divorce with Dignity,” attorney Andrea Vacca, discusses the increase in what she refers to as “gray” divorces and the issues facing clients in this type of divorce. Gray divorces, Vacca explains, are divorces between people age 50 and over. Vacca says that while overall divorce rates have declined, gray divorces have increased. She also says that many of her clients in gray divorces are facing different and unique issues compared to their younger counterparts.

We share Vacca’s experience that clients divorcing after the age of fifty encounter different issues than those divorcing in their twenties, thirties or forties. Instead, of worrying about child support and parenting plans, many people over fifty are most concerned about their financial futures. People of this age have less time to recover from financial loss prior to retirement age, and/or may be facing the prospect of living on a fixed income. In these circumstances, it is especially important to think about how to best prepare financially for life as a single person. Divorce does not have to mean financial ruin. We are prepared to help you through this process and will do our best to ensure your financial security.

We also share Vacca’s experience regarding the increased interest in alternative dispute resolution among older divorcing spouses. For many of our clients there are many options for avoiding court. We are committed to providing you the personalized advice and representation you need. If you want to avoid protracted litigation and costly legal battles we will use whatever means possible to achieve your goals.

Alternative Methods of Communication

December 27, 2012 | by Blair & Kim, PLLC

Lawyers are often quoted encouraging their clients to “get things in writing.” In a recent New York Times article, “Kramer.com vs. Kramer.com,” Pamela Paul uses a similar directive for divorced parents: Paul advises that parents use emails and texts in the place of verbal communication. In family law, as Paul explains, electronic communication can serve multiple purposes. First, it creates a record of the conversation not available through in-person or telephone conversations (Beware, both you and your former spouse will have a written record of these conversations!). Second, it can reduce the emotions and outbursts that can accompany a real-time conversation. Third, it can all happen outside the eyes and ears of your children – relieving them from the stress of watching mom and dad argue (often about them).

If you think that post-divorce communication will be difficult for you and your spouse and/or children’s parent, please talk to our divorce attorneys about communication strategies that can be used to protect your legal position, your emotions, and, most importantly, your kids.

Parenting Plan Holidays

December 16, 2012 | by Blair & Kim, PLLC

With the holidays approaching, parents considering divorce may be wondering what holidays with their children could look like post-separation. While specifics should be discussed with an attorney, there is general information that might resolve some questions.

The Washington State parenting plan form includes the following holidays: New Year’s Day, Martin Luther King Day, Presidents’ Day, Memorial Day, July 4th, Labor Day, Veterans’ Day, Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The form provides just a starting point. Many families decide to add more holidays (ex. Easter, Hanukkah, New Year’s Eve, Halloween) and/or subtract some of the holidays (ex. Presidents’ Day, Veterans’ Day) already included.

The pattern form asks that parties provide where the children will reside during each of the holidays. It also asks that parties provide the time that the holidays will begin and end. In making this decision, it is important to consider the ages of the children, important times for the family during the holiday, and plans of extended family during holidays. Many families choose to have most holidays last from morning at around 9:00 a.m. until 8:00 p.m. Then, many families choose to include exceptions to this general rule. For example, many make the Fourth of July an overnight and/or ask that Thanksgiving begin after school on Wednesday and last until Sunday. There isn’t a right or wrong way to handle holidays in your parenting plan, as long as your holiday schedule works for both parties and the children. We would be happy to help you draft a parenting plan that will keep your holidays as happy as possible.

How Not to Communicate With Your Children After Divorce

December 12, 2012 | by Blair & Kim, PLLC

Divorced parents are often advised on ways to connect with their children after divorce. This recent article from helpguide.org is no different: it provides some time-tested ways to connect with your kids. This type of article can be very helpful when a parent is feeling their parent-child communication strained. However, a less talked about, less written about topic is what not to talk about with your kids during or after your divorce proceedings. Often, is it just as important to not say the wrong things as it is to say the right things.

One example of how not to communicate with your children is to use them as a messenger between you and your ex. This is especially true when the messages you are asking to be conveyed involve a contentious issue. When parents do this the child has to carry the stress of worrying about whatever reaction your ex may have or letting you down by failing to deliver the message. Instead, if possible, communicate with your spouse directly (in writing if necessary).

Another (unfortunately) common mistake parents make is to have conversations with other people regarding the status of their divorce, or how terrible their ex is, within the hearing distance of their children. As every parent who has let a swear word slip out under their breath knows, kids hear everything we say – especially when we don’t want them to hear it. The minute they hear you say your ex’s name, their little ears zero in. As such, keep your vent sessions limited to times when the child is residing with the other parent, or when you can have a babysitter and head out with a friend or adult family member.

Preparing for Divorce: The Importance of Financial Knowledge

November 27, 2012 | by Blair & Kim, PLLC

In almost every divorce, financial information is exchanged between the parties. Whether it be informally listing assets and debts and dividing them between spouses, or a more involved and organized discovery process whereby account statements, financial declarations, professional valuations, interrogatories, etc. are exchanged, or a process somewhere in-between, it is an important to know enough about your financial circumstances that you are able to make a sound decision.

In our experience, most cases necessitate, as a bare minimum, a financial declaration to be submitted by both parties. This document requires parties to describe their expenses, debts, and assets, in six pages. When asked to fill out a financial declaration or just answer some preliminary financial questions, clients are often surprised how little they know about their current financial situation. In many marriages, a couple delegates to one spouse or the other responsibility for paying bills, investing for retirement, purchasing life insurance, filing taxes, etc. When this occurs, the party not delegated to do these tasks is often left (albeit usually unintentionally) in the dark regarding finances. In these cases, it becomes especially important for us to use various discovery methods that become available after a petition is filed to discover the information the in-the-dark client is missing.

However, there are things that can be done prior to the petition even being filed that can help a person anticipating dissolution of their marriage. First, look at the financial declaration and start taking notice (and taking notes) of the requested information each month. Second, speak with a family law attorney regarding the best way to prepare yourself financially for the filing (or receiving service) of a petition for dissolution (be sure to tell your attorney if you are afraid that the other party may try and hide assets if/when a petition is filed). Your family law attorney will also help you design a discovery plan based on your financial circumstances. Third, if your financial acuity is lacking, find a way to give yourself a quick financial education. There are many websites that provide explanations for financial terms, types of assets and accounts, etc. The more you know about your financial situation the better prepared you will be to make educated decisions regarding your financial future. Our family law attorneys are ready to assist you in this process.